My first experience with menstrual cup.

Yes menstrual cup, the magic that changes your periods forever. It’s right that everything comes at a price and this one really did for me.

So a while back I stumbled upon this great device that makes your periods super easy, without a doubt after a bit of reading and reviews I ordered my first menstrual cup.

It arrived in nice packaging with an elaborate guide of do’s and dont’s which added further more on the pros of menstrual cup. The brand I ordered from was She cup. I was desperately waiting for my periods after that.

On the first day of my periods I watched quite a spread of YouTube videos on how to insert and what precautions to take. The most common fear after insertion is (because you can’t feel your menstrual cup once it’s inside you) what if by the evening you’re not able to get it out and you end up with a gynaecologist trying to get your menstrual cup out for you.

To my good luck first removal went hectic but well. I had to gather all my energy and try to contract my muscles for the menstrual cup to lower down a bit and I’ll be able to catch a hold of it. I guess it was the third try when i got it out. The mess i made turned my washroom into a crime scene.

It was quite cool and gave me a feeling of achievement that atleast the first insertion and removal went well.

Then I emptied and reinserted it as directed, the insertion was smoother this time and I thought I’m being a pro at it now. Was too soon to assume I guess!

It was the next morning that I realised I was wrong, I was doing everything possible to get a menstrual cup out of my bleeding vagina for half an hour now. Did everything I had done last time for it to come out. My finger muscles were fatigued. I was sweating. I tried to relax and give it another try but I had realised that this one was going to be one hell of a ride.

All the methods were tried out and nothing worked. It had been over 12 hours and the cup was leaking. The only option left with me was to seek Proffesional help.

I dialed up gynaecologist’s number and it was too early in the morning to hear a receptionist. I went to a hospital took appointment and patiently waited for my turn.

On my turn and after my interaction with the gynaecologist I found out that a female body is really a hush hush zone for even doctors. Nobody was handling it well. I don’t know what’s the situation around the globe but in India using a menstrual cup comes under stupidity (this is my experience by far and I know some doctors who even recommend menstrual cups to their patients; but they’re so few in number that the majority is to be taken in consideration).

They stretched my vagina a bit and got my menstrual cup out with a forcep. So, to conclude my worst fear was now a reality that I had to visit a gynaecologist to get my period’s best friend menstrual cup out of me.

Is this gonna make me fear menstrual cups? Yes a bit as I don’t want to end up at that bed bleeding again.

Am I gonna stop using menstrual cups and give up on them? Hell no! Maybe my cervix is quite high and I need a longer one, maybe the size and girth of my menstrual cup was not right for me.

Once I figure all these things out I’m sure going to do all of it to patch up with menstrual cups. I’m not letting them go unless they love me back.

Lesson- Do enough research and know your body in and out before using menstrual cups.

After all this that I went through I still stand by my opinion that they’re the best.

Questions are welcomed.

NOTHING

Nothing is vague
could take any shape
when you’re doing nothing
you’re actually ‘doing’ nothing

Good morning

A fading night
A rising day
A bright sunray
Coming your way
Wandering along the lost path
Can’t see the aim getting close
And as the sun rose
I saw the world start
Now it’s my time
Let’s start the show with the tinkle of wind chime

Liberated.

I was young, pure, innocent and high on hormones when I loved the first time. In that moment I thought this is it, this is where I want to be, where I want to spend the rest of my life. I was making promises to never let go. Lost into those moments of belief, jealousy, intimacy, excitement of what’s next I never looked at the other side of reality fading out. Before I could take control I was broken, left alone, and hit hard by the truth of what I believed to be my ultimate wasn’t actual, I couldn’t see it anymore, couldn’t touch it, couldn’t seem to find a way to feel it. I was being cheated on, broken up with and primarily confused that how could this happen to me. For me what I thought was love and the relationship I shared, it was the definition of perfect. When so much happens to you and you’ve lost your grip over what’s to be trusted and what is to be let go of, I believe that’s when you’re most vulnerable. You singly lose grip over everything you ever held on to. Now you find yourself in the darkest corner.

I believe everyday atleast a person lives in that void and don’t want to come out, cause this world couldn’t be trusted anymore.

Yes I’ve been there, I’ve seen how dark that place is. I’ve seen how wet those tears are. I’ve seen how meaningless every thought and word of hope seems.

It’s hard to do what I’m about to say, even harder to believe you can but this came to my rescue when I was all alone. Trust, not anybody, not a thought, not a book or words but trust yourself. Trust the person who could love so much with such a pure heart is strong. See what you deserve and meant to have. See the beauty you posses and the strengths you’ve hidden under that dependency. Start with a detachment everyday. Throw out the stuff you want to keep cause it makes all that you did worth. Boost your ego, help yourself, this thing that you believe in, this fairytale isn’t real but you are. You are real, could be touched, and feel your very own self. Being independent is amazing. It feels great. Smiling from the deepest place in your heart makes it all worthwhile. I’ve learnt, I’ve grown. I’ve felt this happy place, bright light, confidence rise up in me, everyday! It’s great to be here. I won’t say I won’t like to have a perfect dreamy fairytale but now that I know what I have and what I want, I choose to not want it anymore. Baby my fairytale now, starts at me and ends at me. It is the most beautiful I’ve ever felt and the most confident I’ve ever walked.

Waiting for a white horse

Is no more where I want to be

Fiction could make your heart skip a beat

But reality isn’t that sweet.

Search

What are we bound to?

What do we hold on?

What’s the feeling when you lose something?

What do you want but it’s long gone?

I see you looking at me

What do you see?

I see people hanging out

What do they talk about?

I wanna know what’s on your mind

I wanna know what you want to find.

It’s a new day! :D

Look out for sunshine,
look out for the birds chirping,
look out for a clear blue sky
look out for the morning hues merging

You’ll sure have a field day
Cause when one goes, another surely comes your way
There’s a reason for everything you see
and the opportunities I tell you, are hefty!

You’ve got a body around you
And a wonderful life ahead
It’s up to you, you can make it stun
or stick to your bed.

You sure can nail every second in future
There’s nothing to dismay
It’s a new story, new chapter, new lesson, Its a new day!

Depression is for real.

I’m not writing stanzas today I’m writing paragraphs. I’m gonna talk about depression here. This is really a topic that needs to be discussed cause it’s taking over the mankind rapidly.

Don’t be depressed everything will be fine. We say this to people really often. We, who have never felt what it feels like to be depressed; We, who don’t even know what does depression really mean! We advise people to just take it easy but do you think they don’t already have tried that? Do you think they really are depressed because they didn’t take it easy? Did you ever stop and think what if they aren’t able to take it easy, what if everything is not fine.

When your friend, someone in the family approaches you and tells you that he or she is depressed what do you say to them? Don’t worry, you’re over thinking, It’ll be fine, no it’ll not be fine unless you treat it well, unless you stop taking it so casually that the person who’s in terrible emotional and physical state feels pity for himself. If a person who has fever comes to you would your reply be the same?

We need to understand that if somebody is saying they’re depressed it doesn’t mean it’s just a phase and it’s gonna pass. The person might be struggling to wake up and live; he might be crying all day long; might be feeling empty, worthless, useless. Listen to what they want to say. When somebody is crying and you say stop crying they already know that, they are fighting back their tears, they don’t need to hear that rather you need to listen to them. We and I talk for the majority of us, ignore mental illnesses. They are for real.

When you tell a person to not worry maybe they aren’t able to do that. You telling them not to worry makes them feel terrible, makes them feel that it’s just so casual and only they aren’t able to do that and it gets them back to square one, I’m useless. Listen to what they want to say, treat them well, make them feel like what they’re facing is not tiny. Take them to a mental health professional. Help them get out of it, not by offering them ice cream and sweets but by being by their side. They need you to be there for them cause it’s you they’ve reached out to, after the mental fights of, to express or not to, this tells you that they trust you. Our brain is a part of our body. Health isn’t just a fit physical state it also primarily includes a fit mental state. A setback in the mind affects the whole body in several ways.

Over 50 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75 percent. Several people around us we see every day might be depressed and be going through this for a long time. Majority people stay depressed until the help arrives. Depression soon is gonna be tested by diagnostic methods which include numbers. When people will have number’s in their hands they’ll know that depression is not a matter of will.

Next time before you tell somebody to take it easy imagine going through all of this, it’s not something to be taken easy.

Not anymore.

 

I cried through days, I passed nights crying
I was begging and you were only lying
All you told me was it ain’t possible for you
But you didn’t say you were making somebody else’s violets blue
I wouldn’t have watched your way if I had a clue
I wasn’t enough for you, I really wish I knew

Through all these years I’ve grown and I’ll keep on
That girl who depended on you is long gone
I don’t look for you anymore
I don’t count on you anymore
I don’t care about you anymore
Even if you pray for it I won’t love you any single bit more.

The bitter truth.

Tap on the keyboard, start a chat
Text till bored or till you fall flat
Emotions now emoticons, expressions GIF
Send hearts when in love, block after tiff
Tag in posts, hashtag in captions
Foodporn and wanderlust are now basic attractions
Personal touch or touchscreen?
landscapes to be posted or be seen?
conversations are to be understood not decoded
Stories meant to be told not uploaded
We’re so busy in our cell phones
That birds chirping and rooster rumble are now just ringtones
Technology? Great but overuse? lets elaborate

Technology, the need of the hour!
Yes it sure is but it’s taking over everything we ever physically did.
We meet our dear newborns on video calls
Can pictures make us feel the sparkles in their eyeball?
We watch video’s of several accidents
And we record them before calling the ambulance
People are on their phones
while on trains, on buses even while crossing roads
Digital assistants are closer friends now
Fights and romances through texts, 24/7 stressing our eyebrow
People used to revisit memories during get-togethers, sitting in the lawn
Now our notifications remind us, you have memories to look back on!

 

REMOULD

The brightest sun feels wrong
You get the lyrics of that song
You check their profiles repeatedly
and tough it gets to accept there ain’t no we
by yourself, you’re mistaken
that’s when your heart is broken

You seal your pain
You don’t let it leak
and you write a poem
but got no words to speak

But hey hey look at you
You deserve a bright hue
Move on, time ain’t waiting for you

Turn the page
Break the cage
Create your own throne and stage

Put on a bright smile, You don’t need the tears any longer
cause babe they hurt, but you know you’re stronger ❤

Post scripted – Hello you beautiful people out there! It feels so warm to be back, great to write again. I hope you guys still remember me.